Have you ever made a bad decision?
Ok, let’s be real, of course you have. If you haven’t, I would love to meet you and find out what the rest of us are doing wrong!
I was thinking about my poor decisions recently, and found that one had reverberations beyond what I originally was able to comprehend.
The year is 2005…
I’m an impressionable 17 year old. Pretty normal by all accounts; depressed (put a pin in that, it will come back later), but in peak physical condition, if a little skinny. I have my second degree black belt in Jiu Jitsu, I’m certified to be a lifeguard and I have a brain that keeps up with whatever challenges is thrown at it. Then, I get offered a cigarette. It’s disgusting. But a day later, I figure, why not try it again? I dry-heave for 15 minutes. Two or three days later, I find myself with another cigarette in my hand. What the hell?
It’s 2012. Things have gone wrong over the years, and instead of turning towards the physical activity that formed me, I sit back, waste away and watch my physical and mental health deteriorate. Apathetic. But as the next year rolls on, I meet someone who will change my life forever.
It’s 2014. We’ve (really just her, let’s be serious, though I tried my best to mirror what the doctors were saying in the delivery room) just delivered our first child, a beautiful baby boy. Some months later, she makes it abundantly clear she will not be with a smoker. Finally, I put away the pack for good.
But, throughout all of this, I never had a tally of the toll this decision to smoke took on me, and those who are special to me. I lost my physicality, lost my health, lost my energy, and created stress on my partner.
Present day…
Though I quit smoking, I never took my health back into my hands. We had another wonderful child, a baby girl. I told myself I was busy, and that becoming physically fit again was lower priority. The apathy remained even though the habit was gone.
Now, having just experienced the greatest loss of my life (one of only three of the most important people to me in the world has decided she wants to separate [to work on her happiness and self-love, which despite my heartache, I am truly hoping she achieves]) I am breaking the cycle of apathy, excuses and self-doubt.
After 13 years of inactivity, I have signed myself up to run two Spartan Races in one weekend; one 5km and one 10km. I have 5 months to prepare to accomplish this goal.
I’d be lying if I said one of the motivations for taking the plunge wasn’t to impress this woman. But for a long time, there’s been a part of me that wants to look in the mirror and see abs instead of pudge. I want to lift both of my kids up at once and not worry about my back. And then, when I put them down, and they take off with inexhaustible energy, I want to run with them. Of course I want to find a way back into the heart of the mother of my children, but I also want to be a better man than I ever have been before.
I’m not just running these races for the physical challenge. I’m running them to show everyone a Will they’ve never seen before. I’m running these races to fight for my fitness; physical, mental and spiritual. And believe me when I say it’s a fight, but it’s a worthy fight.
The fight of my life.
Fighting for Fit 